Grandfatherhood, O My!

I'm going to be a grandfather soon. In fact, I should have been a grandfather last week but it seems that the stork sticks to its own schedule and not that of my son and daughter-in-law. Everyone has been telling me for years that when it is your own grandchild, it is somehow different than being a "step-grandfather" which I have been several times. Depending, as always, on where you set your parameters. I think that those people may be right, though I denied repeatedly that I would be affected. I find myself anxious and concerned and on the brink of calling to ask if there is a baby yet, when I know that they would have called if any such blessed event had taken place. I know that they probably have twenty people calling every day to ask the same thing so I have tried to restrain myself and take some of the pressure off but it hasn't been easy.

Of all the transformations that age has brought with it, I suspect that this one will have more impact than any of the others. Being offered "no charge" banking just can't compare with this. Although I am really happy for the kids (if thirty+ can be called a kid), I'm not completely at peace with the idea of being a grandfather. First of all, I don't have any experience at the job. Secondly, it's been a long time since I was around babies. Especially really little babies. I usually have melted into the background when the women around me were playing "pass the baby". This one I will be expected to dote on and hold and handle, and, God forbid, even change a diaper. I'm hoping that it won't come to that, but it could! What if I gag? What if I blanch? What if I simply run screaming from the room at the prospect? Not much chance of that. Being the oldest child and an ACOA has given me an inflated sense of responsibility and a determination to excel at everything, including being a grandfather. As they say, "Failure is not an option".

I think my heightened sense of anxiety is really because I can't wait to see another generation of Nightingale drawing breath. Is it wrong of me to hope the first one is a boy? Like "the bean"'s parents, I will be overjoyed with a child that is healthy. Being exceptional can wait until he or she is three or four. We Nightingale's are a weird breed as any of my siblings inlaws will tell you. We are different and I can't explain it better than that. When we are together, we understand each other extremely well, even across generations, but our various significant others have largely gone away shaking their head at us. That's OK. We're used to it. With a new baby on the way, though, I can be sure that this "uniqueness" will be passed on again. I happen to think that it's worth passing on.

I know that I won't be the standard grandfather. To do that, I would have to be the standard father, and the standard son and none of those are true. Standard, though, isn't always the ideal way to be. Sometimes exceptional is perfect. Weird can even be good. I just hope that I'm still around when my grandchild looks at me with that look that says, "Hey, for an old guy, you're not completely stupid". That might not melt the standard heart, but I know it will melt a Nightingale heart every time. It did when my son said it to me, and when I said it to my father.